LOL  Thanks   Andi for this! 

CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE: (take the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles)

Chocolate sprinkles where thou art cast

No calories in thy presence last.

Let no fat adhere to me

And as I will so mote it be!

Nestle's Quick where thou art cast

Turn this milk to chocolate, fast.

Let all good things come to me,

and make my milk all chocolatey!

CAST THE CIRCLE (using a tootsie roll)

CALL THE QUARTERS:

Mousse of the East, Fluffy one!

Great prince of the palace of dessert!

Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle

from all moochers approaching from the East.

Fondue of the South, Molten one!

Great prince of the palace decadence!

Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle

from all diets approaching from the South.

Cocoa of the West, Satisfying one!

Great prince of the palace of thirst!

Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle

from all carob approaching from the West.

Rocky Road of the North, Cold one!

Great prince of the palace of crunchy!

Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle

from all cheap imitations approaching from the North.

MAIN RITUAL:

HANDMAIDEN (Henceforth known as the Swiss Miss): Listen to the

words of the Mother of Chocolate, who was of old called: Godiva, Ethel

M., Sara Lee, Nestle, Mrs. See, and by many other names:

 

HPS: Whenever you have one of those cravings, once in a while and better

it be when your checkbook is full, then shall you assemble in a great public

place and bring offerings of money to the spirit of Me, who is Queen of all

Goodies. In the mall shall you assemble, you who have eaten all your

chocolate and are hungry for more. To you I shall bring Good Things for

your tongue. And you shall be free from depression. And as a sign that you

are truly free, you shall have chocolate smears on your cheeks, and you

shall munch, nosh, snack, feast, and make yummy noises all in my

presence. For mine is the ecstacy of phenylalanine, and mine is also the joy

on earth, yea, even into high orbit for my law is "melts in your mouth, not

in your hand". Keep clean your fingers, carry Wet Ones always, let none

stop you aside. For mine is the secret that opens your mouth, and mine is

the taste that puts a smile on your lips and comfy padding pounds on your

hips. I am the gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy onto the tummies

of men and women. Upon earth, I give knowledge of all things delicious,

and beyond death... well, I can't do much there. Sorry about that. I demand

only your money in sacrifice, for behold, chocolate is a business, and you

have to pay for those truffles before you eat them.

 

SWISS MISS: Hear now the words of the Goodie Goddess, she in the dust

of whose feet are the cheap imitations, whose body graces candy racks and

finer stores everywhere:

 

I, who am the beauty of chocolate chips, and the satisfying softness of big

bars, the mystery of how they get the filling inside truffles, and fill the

hearts of all but Philistines with desire, call unto thy soul to arise and come

unto me. For I am the soul of candy, from me do all confections spring, and

unto me all of you shall return, again.... and again... and again.... and

again. Before my smeared face, beloved of women and men, thine

innermost divine self shall be enfolded in the rapture of overdose. Let my

taste be within thy mouth that rejoices.

For behold, all acts of yumminess and pleasure are my rituals.

Therefore let there be gooeyness and mess, crispness and crackling,

big slabs and bite size pieces, peanut butter and chocolate covered

cherries all within you. And you who think to seek me, know that your

seeking and yearning shall avail you not unless you know the Mystery:

"We shall sell no chocolate until you pay for it" For behold: I have

been with you since you were just a baby, and I am that which is

attained at nearly any shop in the land. Messed be.

SWISS MISS: Hear now the words of the Chocolate God, who was called

Ghirardelli, Milton Snavely Hershey, Bosco, Fudgesicle, and by many

other names.

HP: I am the strength of the candy rack, and the piece that fell on the floor

but looks like it may not have gotten too dirty, and the deepest bitterness of

dark chocolate. No matter how you try to resistthe call of chocolate, I will

hunt you out, and I will become your sacred prey. I am warmth of hot cocoa

in the dead of winter, and the call of the road that leads you to that really

expensive Godiva store downtown. I give you my creatures, the fire of love

of chocolate, the power of jaw strength to bite off a piece of that frozen

Milky Way bar and the shelter of Haagen Dazs when that big date didn't

work out. You are dear to me, and I instill in you my power of a piece of

chocolate that you had forgotten you had hidden, and the power of vision

and magickal sight with which you can spot a candy counter a mile away.

By the powers of the half melted bar in the glorious sun, I charge you, by

the darkest depths of the bottom of the cocoa pot and lingering smell of

bittersweet chocolate, I charge you, and by the beauty of a perfectly swirled

vanilla butter cream, I charge you. Follow your heart and your instinct,

wherever they lead you. The wealth in your pocket can buy you treats that a

Mayan king would envy. Take joy in that first bite of lecithin emulsified

cocoa, and in the last satisfying slurp of Yoo-Hoo. Yet you must be wary of

deceit. Eat not of that which is called "baking chocolate", for it is vile and

bitter. Lastly, always remember to leave some chocolate behind you. Be not

greedy, but let yourself be known as a conoisseur. Leave a little for

someone else. I am with you always, just over your shoulder, or around the

next corner. I am the Lord of Chocolate, and when you have reached the

end of you hoard, I will never be further away from you than that 7-Eleven

on the corner. I am the spirit of the wild child, the inner child who can never

get quite enough. If you are a true chocolate lover, then your soul and mine

are intertwined.

CUPCAKES AND YOO-HOO

(Blessing of the Yoo-Hoo)

HP: Be it known that milk chocolate is not better than dark chocolate

HPS: Nor is dark chocolate better than milk chocolate

HP: For both are better than the falsely named "white chocolate"

HPS: And neither one is carob

HP: As the frosting is to the cupcake

HPS: So the creamy nougat is to the Milky Way bar

BOTH: And when they are eaten, they are yummy in truth, for there is

no greater snack in all the world than one made of chocolate.

(Blessing of the Cupcakes)

HP: Frosting is keen

HPS: And frosting is neat

BOTH: Great Goddess! Let's eat!

(Feasting and Drinking)

DISMISS QUARTERS

HPS: Oh, ye mighty goodies of the Realm, we thank you for

attending our rites and guarding our circle, and ere you depart

for your sweet and sticky realms, we say unto you, "N-E-S-T-L-E-S,

Nestles makes the very best"

ALL: "Choooooooc-laaaaate"

(After all quarters have been dismissed, give a final satisfying

belch at the east)

CLOSE CIRCLE

John L. Shepard, © August 1993